Here's to Us.

I woke up this morning with a to-do list about five miles long, a to-do list so extensive that even if I found the motivation to attack it with every ounce of my being, I'm not sure if would even finish. And anyway, who really wants to sit down and bust through five or more consecutive hours of mind-numbingly boring work? Umm.. I'd rather watch Netflix.

I'm blogging today not to fulfill some responsibility, or to check something off my list (since it's been two months since my last post, I think it's safe to say that that ship sailed a long time ago), but because I needed to. I needed to connect with you guys.

They say that social media doesn't really connect us to people-- it makes us feel connected, while we isolate. On a surface level, that's something I agree with: simply scrolling through feeds and liking different posts doesn't constitute as human interaction. But blogging is different. Blogging lets us express who we are, sometimes even down to the recesses of our souls, and lets connect with other people who go through the same things.

At least, that's what it does for me.

My word for 2015 is connect. I was deciding between connect and trust, but connect came to me first, and I'm told it's better to choose the "wrong" word than not choosing one at all.

Connecting is important. Because people need people. And... I guess today, I just want to take another step forward in making it a forever-part of my lifestyle.

So here's to connecting. Here's to loving our neighbors as ourselves. Here's to rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep. Here's to fighting for what is beautiful, and never forgetting to share what we find with each other. Here's to family canoe trips and sunny days and shared memories.

Here's to you, me, and we. Here's to us.

xoxo,

Ireland

Thoughts on Cozy.

Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs (written by Nancy Rue) and she posed several questions about the "longing to belong" and what "cozy" looks like. Here is my response.

 Cozy is my family gathered around a wood-burning fireplace. Listening to my favorite music. Rereading the Lily books. Dancing while my dad plays guitar. Beautiful clothes that don't get in the way while I'm doing things. Seeing the beach for the first time in six months. Conversation that flows like water.

It is an inner warmth that comes from feeling close to love. It is a clear conscience, a new slate, a tingly feeling that starts in your soul and spreads all the way throughout your body. It is letting God be God and being who you were truly made to be. It is honest but safe. It is belonging. It is unaffected and there is not mask to cover it up. Cozy.

I don't feel cozy all that often. But there are moments, here and there, a few seconds where I laugh and forget about my problems or I embrace the exquisiteness of God a little bit more. Mostly it feels like a process, like I'm getting closer to it but I'm not quite there yet.
 
Oh, how I long for coziness in relationships. To me that sounds close to perfection. I have a few friends that I catch glimpses of it with, and I don't appreciate it enough because I'm obsessed over wanting more. I'm moving in two weeks to a new city, and I'll be going to a public high school for the first time... I so want to meet some girls and guys that I can have close friendships with.
 
Because that is part of the essence of cozy. Closeness.

Feeling alone in a crowd is the opposite of cozy, which is basically how I felt in middle school. The loneliness was overwhelming and the not-wanting-to-live feeling was much too painful. I went into survival mode, and life was just so hard. I don't ever want to feel that way again. I have Jesus, and because of Him I am not alone, even when it feels that way. I want to hug that truth around the nakedness of my soul and believe it with every fiber of my being.

That is cozy. And that is unshakable. And that is what I want.