Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs (written by Nancy Rue) and she posed several questions about the "longing to belong" and what "cozy" looks like. Here is my response.
Cozy is my family gathered around a wood-burning fireplace. Listening to my favorite music. Rereading the Lily books. Dancing while my dad plays guitar. Beautiful clothes that don't get in the way while I'm doing things. Seeing the beach for the first time in six months. Conversation that flows like water.
It is an inner warmth that comes from feeling close to love. It is a clear conscience, a new slate, a tingly feeling that starts in your soul and spreads all the way throughout your body. It is letting God be God and being who you were truly made to be. It is honest but safe. It is belonging. It is unaffected and there is not mask to cover it up. Cozy.
I don't feel cozy all that often. But there are moments, here and there, a few seconds where I laugh and forget about my problems or I embrace the exquisiteness of God a little bit more. Mostly it feels like a process, like I'm getting closer to it but I'm not quite there yet.
Oh, how I long for coziness in relationships. To me that sounds close to perfection. I have a few friends that I catch glimpses of it with, and I don't appreciate it enough because I'm obsessed over wanting more. I'm moving in two weeks to a new city, and I'll be going to a public high school for the first time... I so want to meet some girls and guys that I can have close friendships with.
Because that is part of the essence of cozy. Closeness.
Feeling alone in a crowd is the opposite of cozy, which is basically how I felt in middle school. The loneliness was overwhelming and the not-wanting-to-live feeling was much too painful. I went into survival mode, and life was just so hard. I don't ever want to feel that way again. I have Jesus, and because of Him I am not alone, even when it feels that way. I want to hug that truth around the nakedness of my soul and believe it with every fiber of my being.
That is cozy. And that is unshakable. And that is what I want.
Thank you for being honest. I think that part of a good friendship is honesty and being vulnerable. That is something that I personally struggle with.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for God to provide you with good relationships this upcoming school year. It is so comforting to serve a caring and loving God.
Cheering you on!
That was a very beautiful and well written post! I loved several of the statements you made but "It is letting God be God and being who you were truly made to be. It is honest but safe." were definitely my favorite. Honesty is so important, especially in close relationships like families! I loved your post, Ireland!
ReplyDeleteGod Bless!
Ashley B.